| back from LA |
[14 Mar 2009|01:08pm] |
left my iphone on venice beach somewhere there, along with a small part of my emotional baggage
but i have brought back a little more confidence and motivation. hopefully i can learn how to be happy with myself again. i dont really want to date for a long time either. good thing i wont have to run into any old flames, at least not this weekend. it is ones birthday and hes off jumping out of planes, the other probably has the weekend off.
with a new phone number i have a chance at a fresh start in some ways.
i thank the government for a huge tax return/stimulus payment directly deposited into my checking account as well. i wont have to worry about rent! i can also get a better cushion to STAY AHEAD instead of just break-even. part of me wants to really get tattooed and finish my back, or buy a new balenciaga but i KNOW i should hold off on the bag if not a few hours of tattooing. its been since september since ive been fortunated enough to afford a single session which runs about $150/per hour.
my golden birthday is also coming up next weekend. so far im starting to have better luck in life, or maybe my time is coming; the moon and mars along with the starts are aligning for me to shine once again. im not psycho about astrology or horoscopes, but i believe they are true in general. im totally an aries, and as an aries i am ruled by fire and passion. thankfully i can start feeling it burning in me once again.
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| pitfalls |
[04 Mar 2009|08:06am] |
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as of 10 am yesterday i felt like i had lost everything. off to LA and malibu. i bought the ticket spur of the moment before a revitalizing brunch and two kettle bloody marys yesterday round 1130. its time to leave this state, if only for a second.
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| new year |
[08 Jan 2009|02:40pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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it felt great dropping as much as i did on the agent provocateur maschina barbed wire bra, bottom, and stocking set. that store is great....im not much for powdery aromas either but the store is all encompassing. now i just need to find the perfect time to wear it for the other person [besides me!] i bought it for.
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| bah humbug |
[14 Dec 2008|11:42am] |
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music |
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neil young//love is a rose |
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wow so my life sucks. time to go back to school and get a real job, or meet someone with one ;P
how is it that some people can just have the best people/relationships fall into their laps, fat and ugly people have other people to love constantly, and here i am have been single for all of my 21 years? to admit i feel ive only been a spectacular catch as of at least 4 years ago but STILL....come on, my non-existent track record proceeds me.
where do i have to go? lincoln park is full of stupid white suburbanites with no purpose in life but to get as drunk as possible until they get their diploma and sit behind a desk for the rest of their lives. wicker park and bucktown is full of dirty bi-weekly showered hipsters and scensters that prize themselves on their $2 tall boys of PBR at the bars. the west side is full of drug movers and gun chasing ghetto, dumbass gangbangers. gold coast is old money at its haughtiest, or new money at its blindest....the viagra triangle, the loop, my suburb, i could keep going with this huge list of [half true, half comepletly ignorant and hilarious] stereotypes but that wont heal my frustrated, bitter soul. no, only that perfect male will that i will hopelessly never meet.
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| turn it around! |
[25 Nov 2008|11:13am] |
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music |
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chromeo//needy grrl |
] |
sell clothes and shoes on ebay [chloe, marc jacobs, and balenciaga!]
work out
deposits at bank
fax lease
pay bills
take out kitty litter
clean apt
buy groceries
its time to turn things around, ive got a fire lit under my ass for some really weird reason this morning.
this guy that has been my date, to my just friends, to my wanna be lover, to my just friends again said " if you played your cards right you'd have [it] all!!!"
i think thats why, but its not pissing me off for a change and pointing blame, its just making me want to do things! who knew...
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| i should be in a good mood but im not |
[14 Nov 2008|03:13pm] |
my roommate has no job and hasnt had one for the past 3 weeks...drinks all my booze BY HIMSELF, doesnt leave the apt, and hogs the tivo remote in his room
my family is weirded out by me and somewhat upset with me, they seemingly dont wanna talk to me but i dont know why
im not broke but have beautiful things no one wants to buy from me and i feel fat
work is monotonous and routine, unrewarding mentally
my potential manmeat is really understanding but somehow cant understand when i freakout cause plans fall through for a week straight and although we talk nonstop and text nonstop i havent heard form him in a good day and im actually in need of someone to talk to but im scared hes going to want to be 'just friends'
ever feel like life sucks so much but you just feel nothing?
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| fatfuck |
[29 Sep 2008|04:58pm] |
ive already spent well over $1k on this back tattoo and its probably only half finished, if that.
im strapped for cash and still buying inhailments when i need to move out! and hopefully still will on the 15th, given my roomate is still in and we go pay our security and pro-rated rent to get our keys. im waiting for him to get off work to tell me about why "there could be some problems."
which brings me to my point....im going to have to start selling some clothes, maybe even shoes :(.
so far i have a 12th street by cynthia vincent gray silk dress never worn
marc by marc jacobs purple knit sweaer with the tags still attached
marc by marc black drapey/tie tunic only worn once
balenciaga platform penny loafer heels in brown never worn :(((((((
and if need be ive got a couple philip lim dresses and pairs of jeans i can throw in because im too fat to wear anymore
also im fat as fuck. i cant wear any of my clothes anymore because of it. its disgusting. i am disgusting myself and i dont know what to do. well i know what to do but im so bummed out about it i just mope around and do nothinnggggg.
how depressing....broke, fat, and though i have nothin to wear i still have to get rid of a bunch of my clothes. fuck.
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| disappointment revisted |
[09 Aug 2008|09:58am] |
my vaginas on strike because most people are fucking terrible. theyre even worse when they cant even admit or realize to their bullshit and wrongdoing.
i am so angry at myself and so sad at the same time. this is when i do stupid, stupid things. good day to work a double, with my puffy eyes and dark circles and all.
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| 15 minutes |
[08 Aug 2008|10:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
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| [ |
music |
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stars |
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so meghan from rock of love and i love money was totally eating on the patio of my restaurant last night! i think she was on a date, with a not so cute bald dude. the waitress who waited on them overheard she was trying to talk to the produces to get on a new show. needless to say i doubt she wins the 250k on i love money. small world...i didnt know she was from chicago?
in other news my back is soooooo itchy, and im dying to buy a new handbag. got my eye on this smaller than usual sized bag, the cleopatra, by thomas wylde with its large leather tassels [love tassles!] and bullet head studs going aroung the bag. to buy or to wait out for another balenciaga. rock n roll couture is my downfall...!
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| what the fuck |
[02 Aug 2008|08:41am] |
so i almost won a balenciaga clutch on ebay, then the bitch removed the item and combined it with some god aweful pink bbag.....then i almost won a prada bauletto bag and THAT bitch removed it too....what are with indecisive cunts on EBAY!!!!
in other news i got the linework done on my back yesterday and its pretty amazing. ouch, is all i have to say really.
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